tounge-twisters

February 2, 2011

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you’ll tear;
Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it’s written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say—said, pay—paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
But be careful how you speak,
Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Woven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far.

From ‘desire’: desirable—admirable from ‘admire’,
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
Discount, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation’s OK.
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your R correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
Would it tally with my rhyme
If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
You’ll envelop lists, I hope,
In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You’ll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with ‘shirk it’ and ‘beyond it’,
But it is not hard to tell
Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the A of drachm and hammer.
Pussy, hussy and possess,
Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

‘Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker’,
Quoth he, ‘than liqueur or liquor’,
Making, it is sad but true,
In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
Mind! Meandering but mean,
Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
Prison, bison, treasure trove,
Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn’t) with nibbled.
Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don’t be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
Evil, devil, mezzotint,
Mind the Z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don’t mention,
Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
Funny rhymes to unicorn,
Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don’t want to speak of Cholmondeley.
No. Yet Froude compared with proud
Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
But you’re not supposed to say
Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
Episodes, antipodes,
Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don’t monkey with the geyser,
Don’t peel ‘taters with my razor,
Rather say in accents pure:
Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
Wan, sedan and artisan.

The TH will surely trouble you
More than R, CH or W.
Say then these phonetic gems:
Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget ’em—
Wait! I’ve got it: Anthony,
Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight—you see it;
With and forthwith, one has voice,
One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry, fury, bury,
Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
Put, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
Bona fide, alibi
Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
Rally with ally; yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Never guess—it is not safe,
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
Face, but preface, then grimace,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the O of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
With the sound of saw and sauce;
Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
Respite, spite, consent, resent.
Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation—think of Psyche!—
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
Won’t it make you lose your wits
Writing groats and saying ‘grits’?

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington, and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough?

Hiccough has the sound of sup.
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!

by George Nolst Trenité (1870–1946)

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hollow hoaxes

October 28, 2009

Ade: Pengumuman untuk semua masyarakat indonesia besok akan ada gempa 10.11 sekala liter pada pukul 10 pagi
Saya: Sekala liter? kamu ngomongin gempa atau minyak tanah?

Untung spam di BBM belum mengalahkan kesampahan spam bahasa vietnam di YM saya.

putifikasi

May 20, 2009

(9:34:08 AM) P: morrrninggg
(9:35:04 AM) R: berita baiknya, UAS gw hari ini take home
(9:35:13 AM) R: jadi silakan tentukan kapan kita mau ngobrol
(9:35:14 AM) R: hehe
(9:35:23 AM) P: huahaha
(9:35:32 AM) P: jaman banget ya uas take away
(9:35:48 AM) P: jangan2 jaman cucu gue, uasnya drive through

kok gw jadi punya perasaan gak enak ya. Juni nanti pas bikin film sama dia kayaknya bisa menjurus ke hal-hal yang tolol. adoh (doh) (doh). pagi-pagi udah ga beres hahahhahahaha.

tapi UAS drive through terdengar asik juga, walaupun pada prakteknya kayaknya ga ada bedanya dengan take away. sama-sama ambil lalu bawa pulang dan dinikmati di rumah.

konami code

May 9, 2009

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn’t mean we’re not smart
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The Moldy Peaches – Anyone Else But You

Gw sudah tahu bahwa baris pertama bait lagu ini itu bukan sembarangan
Itu adalah kombinasi buat cheat jaman dahulu, sebelum game = kotak segitiga bulat dan X.
Tapi gw baru tahu, kalau sebuah website yang gw kunjungi setiap hari ternyata menerimanya juga!

Coba aja, masuk ke facebook.com, lalu tanpa memilih apapun ketik urutan tombol di atas
(termasuk ‘a’ dan ‘b’, ganti ‘start’ dengan tombol ENTER)
tunggu sebentar, loading sedikit, lalu coba scroll atas bawah. lihat kan?
kalau mau lebih heboh, coba aja ketik di textbox manapun :p

counting

March 26, 2009

Wah, 26 Maret. Sebulan lagi 26 April. 20 tahun dong.

……………………………….DAMN.

Ok, di satu sisi, gw tidak segalau/labil/resah/gundah beberapa bulan lalu dalam menghadapi keduapuluhtahunan. Banyak orang yang memberi banyak masukan ke gw, dari mulai “apasih ram.“, “been there done that, biasa aja kok“, sampai yang minoritas seperti “ADUH lo jangan ngingetin gw deh ram ahhh fakkk” seperti gw. Gapapa, gapapa, yah orang-orang bener juga sih: 20 tahun itu hanya setahun lebih tua daripada 19 tahun. Andai beneran seperti lagunya Five For Fighting there’s never a wish better than this, When you only got 100 years to live; yah cuma nambah lebih tua 1% dari hidup lah. Yada yada yada etcetera. It’s not a big deal.

Or is it?

Well, the problem is me: Gw udah menargetkan terlalu banyak hal untuk sampai ke 20 tahun ini. Ke angka aman pertama ini. Belum bisa nyetir. Belum punya sumber penghasilan tetap. Belum punya IP yang bagus. Belum punya pasangan hidup temporal maupun permanen. *Yah yang permanen masi lama lah ya, ga masuk hitungan sih*.

Belum pernah keluar dari kasur yang nyaman ini dan mencoba bertahan hidup walau sehari saja. <– ini terdengar berlebihan, namun gw tetap menganggap survivability adalah sebuah hal yang harus dimiliki di dunia rimba ini.

Yah, mungkin sebulan lagi, gw masih tetep seperti ini. Masih setinggi 190 cm dan berat 60 kg, berambut gondrong dan berkacamata. Masih seseorang yang kerjanya hanya berusaha menghibur orang lain (part-time). Masih orang yang ga peduli sama orang lain (the other part-time). Masih…apa ya?

Masih puas gini-gini aja. Masih berusaha tidur padahal tau kalau weker akan bunyi sebentar lagi. Hahaha.

Mungkinkah keajaiban akan datang?
*gw tidak mengharapkan tiba-tiba gw mimpi ada malaikat/jin menyadarkan gw dan membuat perjanjian yang akan berakibat fatal kalau tidak gw penuhi bla bla bla, tapi yah….keajaiban ga bisa dipilih-pilih sih*

Oh iya, maaf kalau gw menggunakan bahasa yang sangat berantakan di sini. Gw lagi males nulis rapih2 hanya untuk menarik perhatian dengan bahasa inggris gw yang berantakan dan bahasa indonesia gw yang nilainya pas-pasan ;)

sure?

November 7, 2008

Love is just like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

You think, judging all the opportunities and risks, very carefully
you evaluate what you want and what you need,
you try to look back what you’ve been through,
you build up your courage just to give the answer that he/she wants
just to go to the next level of relationship.

When in doubt, you can always call a good friend
or ask some people to get their opinion

When you have no one to ask,
you try to eliminate the impossible

and give your best shot.

entah pemikiran bodoh ini hanya muncul secara bodoh dan tiba-tiba,
atau memang saya sudah begitu skeptisnya dengan itu semua?

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